Tuesday, August 12, 2008

A Review of Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer

There's all this bunk about Breaking Dawn, the (hopefully) last book in S. Meyer's Twilight series. There are really no words to describe how mind numbingly bad these books are, and Breaking Dawn has to be the worst thing ever published since Anne Rice went Christ-nut.

If you've read the first few books, you know that Bella is a whiny bitch, Edward's a controlling abusive bastard, and Jacob is the only redeeming quality of the whole series. Add the ever-mounting misogynism and heterocentrism, and it's no surprise that Stephenie Meyer is a devout Mormon housewife, though it is a bit of a mystery how she achieved her degree in English. It probably has something to do with going to BYU, a.k.a. The Party School for All Those Hopeless Utah Prudes.

Of course, most people knew from the start that Twilight was just dreamy self-insert fiction, because, really, who the hell publishes a story about the sparkling vampire they saw in a mystical dream in which they were in a utopian meadow. However, it does worry me how many gullible young girls got sucked into the cult and didn't snap out of it when Breaking Dawn came out.

Why am I so worried? How about I make a list of the main themes of BD:

  • Bella gets pregnant with a mutant child who is eating her insides, and refuses abortion, because teh poor lwettle babiez.
  • Edward becomes an ever more controlling bastard.
  • Bella decides that she's too good for college and becomes Edward's lovely little powerless housewife.
  • Jacob imprints on Bella's daughter, completely ruining the only good character in the book.
  • Bella becomes a delightful little Mary Sue of a vampire.
Therefore completely wiping clean a hundred years of struggling for equality just so that poor little deprived Meyer (who has 3 kids) can have her happy ending with her abusive vampire dream-boy.

And thus another reason to hate religion. Brainwashing people by trying to use love as an excuse for unequality, misogyny, pedophilia, and homophobia. Really fucking classy.

-Com, who hates the institution of marriage and will not be caught without a Ph.D by the time she's thirty.